


Of Heroes, Monsters, and Inedible Glass Mushrooms

by Rakned



Category: Hiveswap
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Gen, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-24 14:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16642061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakned/pseuds/Rakned
Summary: A young hero, accompanied by his faithful assistant, is determined to make a name for himself by bringing an end to the Dominion of Darkness and its vile Empress – but quickly discovers that heroism is far less glamorous than he had expected!





	1. Chapter 1

Even when they were children, Xefros and Dammek had been almost inseparable – unsurprising in and of itself, considering that they were the only two children of their age, growing up in a hamlet with a net population of 43.  But even still, the older villagers found the duo to be quite odd.  Dammek would frequently lead his companion on forays into the woods beyond the northwest fields, and Xefros would almost always return from these voyages with numerous bumps, scrapes, and other small injuries.  His parents sometimes questioned what sort of influence the other boy was having on their child, but their son would always defend the reputation of his companion.  Eventually, they gave up, learning to live with whatever strange relations the two children developed.

But as these young boys slowly grew into young men, Dammek became obsessed with exploring the world beyond the confines of the small hamlet he’d grown up in.  He talked on and on about becoming a famous explorer, and Xefros hung onto every word he said.  But then, one night, Dammek went on a journey into the woods on his own.  He wouldn’t come back for over two and a half years.

When he did return, he carried a backpack filled with strange powders and odd instruments, telling fantastic tales about the outside world – stories of horrible monsters, strange magic, proud kingdoms, and the legendary heroes who faced off against darkness and evil wherever it appeared.  The elders found this sort of talk disturbing, to say the least, but Xefros was eager to hear stories from his long-lost companion.  The two were as inseparable as ever – it was almost as if Dammek had never left.  A few weeks later, though, and Dammek had run off again – and this time, Xefros had disappeared along with him.

* * *

The mountains had been almost impossible to navigate in the dark.  After helping him run away from home under the light of a full moon (Xefros still felt bad about having left his parents behind without saying goodbye), Dammek had quickly led Xefros south, to the base of a rocky incline that had kept ascending long after Xefros had expected it to stop.  In fact, they were still ascending, and the trees around them grew sparser with every step, only to be replaced by jagged outcrops of disheartening grey stone.  Xefros struggled to keep his footing amid the uneven rocks, but Dammek was right at home in the rough terrain – Xefros could only catch the occasional glimpse of his brave leader every so often, much further ahead on the trail.  He was still tired from missed sleep, and the bag Dammek had packed for him to carry weighed heavily against his back, but Xefros kept soldering on, putting one foot in front of the other, hardly noticing anything beyond the ground beneath his feet, until he rounded a corner and almost ran straight into his compatriot.

“Be careful, dumbass!”  Dammek was holding a small device in his hand, holding it between himself and the horizon.  He looked like he was pointing it at something, but all Xefros could see were a bunch of mountains.  He then glanced down, examining a map he’d rolled flat and secured with a few rocks, then pointed the device towards something else on the horizon.

“Are we… taking… a break…?” Xefros asked hopefully, between heavy, labored breaths.

“I’m just getting our bearings, it should only take a minute.”  Dammek paused, then turned to face his companion.  “What, are you tired already?  Does this mean letting you come with me was a mistake after all?”

“No, I-I’m fine!” Xefros stammered, though he quite clearly was not.  “I can keep going – honest!”  He prayed that Dammek wouldn’t follow through on what he’d said earlier, when he’d been describing his plans to leave – that if Xefros held him back too much, he’d get left behind.

But after thinking it over for a bit, Dammek seemed to take pity on his companion’s sorry state.  “Five minutes,” he said, “but then we’re moving out – and no more breaks until noon.”  Xefros was too tired – and too relieved – to respond with more than a winded _“thanks”_ , but his gratitude was readily apparent.  He sat down right where he stood, and let his bag – more than twice the size of his companion’s – rest against a nearby rock.  Dammek walked over, opened the top of the bag, and retrieved two apples, handing one to his companion and taking a sizeable bite out of the other.  Xefros was overjoyed to have something to eat, and within a few seconds, all that remained of his fruit was a spindly little core.

“I thought you said you were tired!” Dammek said, chuckling, prompting a muffled _huh?_ from his assistant.  “If you could only channel as much energy into hiking as you do into eating, we’d reach Outglut in under an hour.”

Xefros swallowed the last remnants of his breakfast snack.  “Outglut…?  Is that a part of that, uh… Damnation of Dark thing?”

“Alternia is known far and wide as the Dominion of Darkness, Xefros.  And, technically speaking, Outglut is an independent city-state.  But that’s only because they do whatever the Empress tells them without an ounce of resistance.  They’re little more than glorified slaves.”  Dammek took another bite from his apple, then resumed his exposition.  “Almost all the food produced in the fields surrounding Outglut gets shipped straight to the Dominion as tribute, just so their armies can be kept fed and conquering.  They’re our first and last stop before we cross the border and enter the empire proper.”

“Of course, we’re not going to be able to waltz right through the Alternian border.  That’s why our route through Outglut is so important.  When we get there, we’ll be able to take advantage of…” Dammek kept talking for quite a bit, and Xefros hardly understood a word of what he said, but that didn’t bother him any.  There was something calming about listening to Dammek speak his mind, and hearing what he had to say – Xefros couldn’t help but trust that he knew what he was talking about.

“… but that’s really just the first step.  Revolutions don’t start themselves, Xefros!”  Dammek would frequently end his monologues this way, and Xefros had long since learnt that this was the part of the discussion where he should nod and strongly agree with whatever had just been said.

“Right!” he responded.  It wasn’t a very interesting response, he thought, but Dammek seemed satisfied with it anyways.  He quickly folded up the map he’d been using, and stuffed his gear back into his satchel, then slung the whole thing over his shoulder and onto his back.

“Well, are you ready to leave or not?”  Dammek demanded, before he turned and began hiking at a pace Xefros thought seemed even faster than before.  Xefros dropped the apple core he was holding, struggled to his feet as quickly as he could, and did his best to follow the route Dammek took without letting the gap between them grow too large.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was started as a part of a Hiveswap Big Bang event, and as a result there are multiple pieces of artwork created for it! To start us off, we have a lovely (if a bit rough) character design sheet from [Cutepluto](http://cute-pluto.tumblr.com/).
> 
> I especially enjoyed how the character's troll horn designs were reflected in their humanstuck headgear. (And yes, even in high fantasy, Dammek still wears shades.)


	2. Chapter 2

Though it wasn’t too long before the near-constant climb upwards gave way into a gradual yet equally consistent descent, it was still past noon by the time the two travelers had well and truly exited the mountains.  Now, excluding the mountains behind them, Xefros and Dammek were surrounded on all sides by open, grassy plains.  Dammek continued on without paying much heed to the change in his surroundings, and Xefros did his best to keep up, taking special care to avoid tripping.  He’d already fallen over twice on the way down, and that was embarrassment enough – not to mention the shame he’d feel if he couldn’t even keep his head above his feet when simply traveling over flat ground!  But Dammek suddenly came to a stop, and Xefros quickly saw why – they’d come across a trail, hidden among the grass, at a very slight angle to the route they were already taking.

“See, Xefros?  I told you this was the right way.  Once we’ve taken this path to the main road, everything will be just fine.”  Xefros briefly considered mentioning that he couldn’t remember questioning Dammek about if he knew the right way to go, but he figured that was probably the sort of thing he would ask about, so he ignored it.  But when Dammek started to move again, and Xefros went to follow, he noticed something on the horizon.

“… Hey, Dammek!  I think I see something!”

Dammek paused, looking over at his companion.  “Where?”

Xefros pointed out to the right, towards the horizon.  “I think that looks like a house!”  The building was too far away to make out much detail, but it would have been almost impossible to notice the house’s bright red against the green grass and blue sky that surrounded it.  Looking more closely, it seemed there were at least two structures, similarly colored, and possibly more; Xefros thought they would have to get closer in order to be sure.

Dammek dismissed the buildings.  “Whatever they are, or whoever lives there, they aren’t important.  We just need to get to the main road as quickly as possible, and get to Outglut before it gets too late in the day.  We’ve wasted enough time as it is.”

Xefros nodded.  It made sense!  Efficient use of time was important, after all.  He hiked his bag up on his shoulders, buckled down (metaphorically), and got under way.  The houses Xefros had seen quickly disappeared beyond the horizon.

 

* * *

 

Dammek’s confidence took a bit of a blow when the trail they’d been following disappeared after just a half hour’s travel, but he decided that they would continue on straight ahead until they were able to “pick it back up.”  Another forty five minutes, and they discovered a new trail, which Dammek assumed the old trail must have originally merged with – he chose to follow it to the right, since that roughly matched the direction they had already been going.  Another hour later, and the duo saw a second building, dead ahead this time.  But, as they drew closer, the appearance of the building – buildings, actually – became more apparent.  There were two large buildings, one was rectangle-shaped with an odd-looking circular tower attached on the side, and the other looked much more like a typical house; both seemed to be about two stories tall, maybe a little taller.  There were a few shacks or huts surrounding the premises, which were in turn surrounded by what seemed to be dozens of strange brown rocks.  All of the buildings – even the small ones – had been painted bright red, and somehow, the way they were arranged struck Xefros as being oddly familiar…  “Uh-” he began, but Dammek cut him off.

“No, it’s definitely not the same buildings as you saw earlier.  It can’t be!  I know we’ve been going straight,” he asserted.  “And no, we aren’t going to stop by and ask for a meal.”

Xefros stammered a bit, struggling to regain his footing “I- I just thought tha- that maybe we could ask for directions…?  I know we can’t stay, but…”

“… hmph.  I’m sure we can find our way to Outglut without anyone else’s help.”  Dammek said, but his tone seemed somewhat softer.  “Look, let’s walk up and take a look.  If these buildings were built on the main road, we won’t need to ask for directions, but if they aren’t, we’ll, uh…  I guess we’ll try things your way.  But only this once!”

Xefros smiled.  “Right!  Of course!”  His grin was infectious, and Dammek couldn’t help but grin a little, too.  The two drew closer to the buildings, but as they approached, Xefros froze in his tracks.  What he’d initially assumed to be rocks were actually – well, he just didn’t know what they were at all!  The odd-looking large quadrupeds looked almost like they were silently standing guard.  Could they be some strange kind of monster?  He was so taken off guard by the beasts that he didn’t even notice Dammek walking forwards as if he didn’t have a care in the world.  Had he not noticed the obvious danger?!  “Dammek!” Xefros shouted, as quietly and urgently as he could.

Dammek paused and turned to face Xefros.  “Yeah?” he responded casually.  Xefros gestured wildly at one of the closest beasts, causing Dammek to glance in the creature’s direction, then look back at Xefros with one eyebrow raised.  “What?” he asked again, flatly.

Dammek lowered his arms in dismay and confusion, then tried to sneak over to Dammek while making as little noise and drawing as little attention as possible.  “What are those… _things_ out there???”

Dammek looked out at the beast, looked back at Xefros, and then looked out at the beast again – and suddenly doubled over laughing.  “Tha- I- Tha- pfffhahahahaha!”  His fits of laughter slowly died down, though, and after he was finished gasping for breath, he looked his companion in the eyes and said, “Xefros, that is a cow.”

Xefros stared back at him blankly.  “A what?”  Dammek stifled another giggle.

“It’s a cow.  I mean, they’re big, but they don’t do anything besides eat grass and shit.  You can just ignore them.”

“Uh, sure?  I mean, if you say so…”  Xefros trailed off.  He didn’t say anything to Dammek about it, but all the cow-things everywhere were still setting him on edge.  When they finally reached the house, Dammek went up and knocked on the door, but there was no response.  “Maybe they’re off somewhere else?” Xefros suggested, but Dammek shook his head.

“That, or they just won’t answer the door, but I’m not wasting time waiting around.”  He tried the door – locked, of course.  But then, instead of simply waiting for the residents to return, or turning around and walking away, Dammek took a few steps backwards and then threw his body into the door.  The door didn’t budge.  “Ow, fuck!”

“Dammek, what do you think you’re doing?”  Xefros’ fear of cows had finally subsided, but the apprehension he now felt was just as bad, if not worse.  Xefros didn’t know what he would do if someone found them trying to break into their house, let alone understand why his companion was doing it!

“Trying to – ah – get inside, obviously,” Dammek responded, still rubbing his shoulder.  “If there’s nobody here, then we don’t have much of a choice; we’ve got to-”

“Now what could a pair of rascals like the two a’ you be doin’ all the way out here?”  Xefros froze at the sudden demand; Dammek, however, quickly turned to face their confronter.  She stood tall, around three or so yards away and directly opposite the door, with a wide stance and muscular arms still noticeable under a long-sleeved shirt.  Though she was unarmed, she seemed to exude an aura of confidence that made Xefros feel even meeker than usual.  Dammek, however, was quick with a retort.

“The two of us are just passing through; what makes you think you can just harass passers-by like this?”

“Wh- harassment?  Passers-by?  You’re standin’ right bloody well on my front doorstep!”

“We’re just a pair of travelers headed towards Outglut; if you hadn’t confronted us like this, we’d already have left.  Why the hell would we want to stick around a dump like this anyways?”

“Outglut?”  She laughed at this.  “Only a fool’d wind up here by headin’ towards Outglut, and you sure don’t talk like one’a those.  Now are you two gonna listen up, or am I gonna have to teach y’all some manners first?”  The mystery woman cracked her knuckles.

“Hah- I’m a hero!  Some country bumpkin doesn’t frighten me!”  Dammek shot back, drawing his sword.  Surprise registered on the woman’s face at the appearance of a weapon, but it was quickly replaced by a grim mask; she dropped into a practiced combat stance, one arm held, bent, between herself and Dammek, with the other close at her side.  Xefros, of course, could do nothing but panic – the first person they’d met since leaving home, and they had somehow already gotten into a fight!  This was horrible!  But, try as he might, Xefros had no idea what he could do to try and defuse things…  He was too scared. Suddenly, something that looked like a woolly brown-and-white cow dashed out from behind the barn, past Skylla, and lunged straight towards Xefros!

“Woah!”

“LADY, NO-!”

The next thing he knew, Xefros was splayed out against the ground, with the creature that had laid him flat pinning him down, its pointed snout inches away from his exposed.  Xefros let out a scared little laugh, but it soon turned into a girly, high pitched scream as the beast began to lick his face furiously, without a hint of remorse.

“Lady!  That’s enough!  C’mere.”  The hairy and vaguely wolf-like creature (Xefros would later learn it was a “dog”) paused to look over at its master, than dashed off.  A moment later it wandered back – and though it was no longer standing directly on top of Xefros, he was still much too winded to stand.  He turned his head to look over at Dammek, who the stranger was keeping pinned to the ground; his sword had been knocked just out of arm’s reach, and he grasped for it fruitlessly, but the weight and grip of his aggressor kept him firmly in place.  Dammek’s position looked incredibly uncomfortable, and he looked equally upset, but the stranger’s expression was almost serene, as she glanced between Lady, and Lady’s helpless victim.  “Huh,” she said to no-one in particular, as Xefros struggled to his feet while fruitlessly attempting to stave off another vicious licking from the pet.  “I think we might’ve gotten a bit off on the wrong foot, just now.”

 

* * *

 

After she was certain Xefros and Dammek weren’t a pair of bandits out to rob her blind, Skylla – that was the woman’s name – turned out to be surprisingly kind.  She informed Xefros that that her dog, Lady, had always turned out to be a good judge of character; if Lady trusted somebody, she’d trust them too.  It seemed Lady didn’t particularly care for Dammek, though, and so she had refused to return his sword – “I still don’t want ya’ thinkin’ to try somethin’ rash, all right?”  After Xefros confirmed that they really were just trying to find their way to Outglut, Skylla was happy to help, offering to guide them down to the “old road,” which she claimed they could follow straight to Outglut’s north gate.  Dammek was wary at first, but he eventually relented, and the three of them departed.

During the journey, Skylla asked them a few questions about where they were from, and Xefros happily complied, but after a few minutes she shifted the topic of conversation over to Dammek.  “Now where’d you get this thing, anyways?” she asked, as she indicated Dammek’s blade, currently tied to her belt.

“None of your business.”

“Ok there, soldier.  No need to get sharp like that.”

They walked without talking for a few minutes after that, until Skylla spoke up again.  “But didn’t you say something about being a hero of some sort?”  Dammek’s only response was silence; Xefros assumed that this meant Dammek wanted him to answer the question.

“Yeah!  We’re gonna be heroes! Dammek’s got everyth-”

“ **Xefros!**   Learn to take a hint and SHUT. UP.”

Xefros looked over towards his companion, stunned and confused.  The only response he got was a glare.

Nobody said much after that.

 

* * *

 

“Well, this here’s the trailhead.  Follow it, and you’ll find your way to Outglut easily enough.”

Xefros quietly thanked Skylla, but Dammek only let out an exasperated _hmph_ , and indicated for Xefros to follow along behind him.  After one last quick farewell, Skylla headed back in the direction they’d come from, and it wasn’t long before she was out of sight.

Xefros finally built up the courage to ask the question he’d been wondering ever since Dammek’s curt demand.  “Why didn’t you wanna talk with that lady?  She seemed nice!”  The first response he got was a swift blow to the head.

“We’re in enemy territory, Xefros.  For all we know, that Skylla woman was a spy for the Dominion, just waiting us to turn our backs before she did us in!”

This explanation only served to confuse Xefros more – could Skylla have really been that dangerous?  “But she seemed so nice…  Are you sure we couldn’t have just talked for a bit?”

This earned him another blow to the head.  “Don’t you know anything?  The forces of evil will do anything to hurt those who oppose them.  If they know where we come from, they could target our village!  They could kill your parents!  You don’t want **them** to die, do you?”

Xefros was still more confused – but he did know that asking further questions would just make Dammek look down on him more. “… N-no…”

“Good.”  His tone of voice was definitive; the conversation was over.  Xefros quietly sighed to himself, and heaved his bag higher on his shoulders.  It was going to be a long hike to Outglut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is chapter two. It comes bundled with not one, not three, but TWO WHOLE ARTS, this time brought to you by the lovely [whattheheckisdigitalart](http://whattheheckisdigitalart.tumblr.com/).
> 
> I don't really have that much to say about these - I feel like they tell a story all on their own. But I will admit that I quite love Xefros' expression in both pieces! (If you're having trouble seeing all the details, try opening the images in new tabs.)


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